We Found the Mysterious Apple Device!

As January 26th of 2010 approaches, there are only two kinds of people on the planet: those who anxisouly countdown every second till Apple's event, and those who have requested to be put into a deep coma, tired of listening to all the rumours about the fabled Apple device that will be unveiled.

But wait no more: Internet Worst Secrets has the scoop on it and we're about to tell you all there is to know about this mysterious Apple device!

Our researchers had to go further than ever before, jump higher, and dig deeper than anyone ever thought possible. But at last this secret investigation that took years to plan has come to an end, and we're sharing our findings with you!

Some said Apple was working on a revolutionary Tablet... but the truth is they were wrong. What Apple had hidden for all this time is a new generation of a well known device, a device that has changed the world before and is about to change the world again!

Yes my friends, the mysterious device Apple was hiding is: the new iPhone 4G, better known as the iPhone Shuffle!

You might have heard the rumour about it before -the fact that it was quickly forgotten should have been proof enough that it was just a misinformation campaign from Apple- our sources tell us that the spec list came from Steve Jobs himself. But, the technical expertise required to build such an advanced device only recently became available.

But enough of that, let me present you the new revolutionary features of the new iPhone Shuffle!

• Energy wasting Display? - No thank you!

While some announce OLED displays has being a big thing, the iPhone shuffle simply takes the stakes higher than ever, with no display whatsoever. This means its battery life leaves the competition in the dust.
In fact, after making irreplaceable batteries standard, Apple does it again by introducing non-rechargable batteries in this new iPhone!


Whenever you iPhone Shuffle runs out of juice, you simply throw it into one of the millions iPhone recycling containers Apple will place in ever street corner so it can be properly disposed of.

• Multitouch keyboard? - No need for it!
  

Thanks to the advances of artificial inteligence, the award winning Genius function will be - by the first time - applied to your contact list.
No matter who you want to call, your iPhone shuffle will be able to figure that out  by the way you press its only button. This is a truly revolutionary feature that will make you forget about all the models you actually have to search your contacts in order to call them.

• Multiple colors available
  

As a trendy manufacturer, Apple has not forgot that color is of the utmost importance.
Instead of a boring spec list detailing its hardware guts, the iPhone Shuffle spec list contains just a list of the available colors. Why should you have to worry about anything else?

• Innovative GPS Navigation
  

Thanks to the new patent pending HairMeSay GPS navigation, the iPhone Suffle leads you to your desired destination by vibrating information directly into your skull.

(There's only a minor quirk regarding customers with little or no hair to attach the iPhone to; but our sources at Apple tell us they'll soon announce a compatible list of wigs you'll be able to use.)

• Buy it now!
  

You can preorder the new iPhone Shuffle right now. Starting at $999.99 will find this new Apple device to have a major impact on your daily life, and you'll soon find yourself happier than ever!


P.S. - We were planning on having a video report for this event, however due to technical problems we had to delay that. We're sorry for the inconvenience and hope to have video reports back online next week!